Have you ever had someone special come and visit you? You want to make sure your house, apartment and rooms look just perfect. I am going out of town for work and the day I get home a special guest is coming to visit me, so naturally I spent the day preparing my room for my guest. The only problem is that, today I broke my bed frame.
Classic Ashley moment when I was trying to pull out my suitcase for my trip I thought I could be the incredible Hulk and lift my bed frame to pull out my case. Instead the frame slipped and came down on my fingers crushing them and causing my bed to lean at a slant. Now, my bed is still very comfortable and if you lay the right way it feel like you are laying on a hill (probably better for your back anyway).
Though I can have the attitude that I don’t care, but I really wanted to have all my arts and crafts painted and my bed looking perfect. Instead my room looks like a 90’s roller rink with Christmas lights and all. Is it what I dreamed of my perfect room looking like nope, but it will have to do.
Okay, Ashley how does this apply to regular life. Well, if you read my blog or talk to me recently I have started a new job and a lot of other new things; New friendships, relationship, and adventures. I think when God has allowed a new relationship in my life it has revealed how truly broken of a person that I am. God purposefully has brought someone in my life that challenges, encourages and show grace in such a sweet beautiful way. Let me tell you my first gut reaction is to run and run hard. I have spent the past week in my own personal life looking for away out of a lot of things that are happening in my life.
Today though I finally had to stop and ask the Lord why was I so nervous and fearful. It had nothing to do with this person but my own heart. I realize I was afraid to allow complete control in Jesus’s hand. I really struggle with releasing control in certain areas of my life. I am adventure seekers but a pain avoider. Let me explain if there is adventure involved I am all about it , BUT if I could get hurt in anyway I take more time to consider if I want to take that risk. I know how can I really say I love adventure if I am afraid of risk? That is the question the Lord has been asking me?
Why do you want out Ashley?
There is a way for me work through my uncomfortable situations and bring peace that passes all understanding and that is through releasing control. Ugh, I want to know how my job will turn out and how my relationship will end and this and that…But that is just not possible when you want God to lead your life. I have come to realize I need to allow the Lord into my house of my heart.
Going back to my house talk, The problem is there are some beautifully decorated rooms in my heart that are put together and ready for Jesus to visit. Than there are some DO NOT DISTRUB signs in my heart. Those are the ones that are named “past hurts”, “fear” and “adoption”. When you walk in those rooms it is filled with dirt, broken furniture and stench from past wounds that I refuse to clean out and be free from but I need Jesus to reside in all my rooms not just the one or two I think are good enough for His Glory.
One of my favorite attributes of God is that He takes me right where I am. He is like Ty from Extreme Home Makeover, He wants to move that bus! But I must allow him to have access to break into those dark, broken places of my life.
So what rooms of your heart are you keeping locked up from the One who already knows every dirty thing that resides in you.
You may never know that one room may be the thing from allowing someone else to love you fully, to take that adventure you always dreamed or just be free(which I believe freedom is the most incredible characteristic a man or woman can posses).